Listen to Me

Well, practically I've just completed my awesome portfolio and hence starting applying jobs since last Thursday. 

I've sent out A LOT applications to architecture firms either in Singapore, United States, United Kingdom or China. I know it wouln't be easy as I'm just a Part 1 fresh graduate architect and without much experience and so... how can i expect any company willing to go through all the troubles and sponsor me a working visa.

So far... There's nothing positive yet, and I'm getting a little bit nervous-ish. I just so fear that I might just not be as good and can't help but to doubt myself about my possible failure in this. Karuna is right. I shouldn't lose hope and just keep applying. I know i shouldn't push myself too hard in this. It has only been a week. Or to be precise, just around 5 days or so... But it's really stressful for me as i really want this to happen.

Quit my "seems wonderful" job is definitely a very hard decision for me. It seems stupid, reckless, and irresponsible for most of the peoples. But deep down i know this is something I have to do. Without quitting my day job, i will never have enough motivation and pressure to push me through this, it will be just too easy to procrastinate or give up. Maybe sometime this is just something we have to go through as a path to success: to fail, to care less and keep trying to make sure we will finally be at where we want to be. 

I've been doing a lot of decision for myself throughout my 20+ years life and this might be just another one. But I rarely fail. i'm just not good in embracing failure and i hate to admit but I'm so fear of judgement and how others look at me. It's not an easy decision when i'm not even know where i'm heading. It's hard when everyone is doubting me. It's even hard when i know that i might possibly fail in this, but i can't... I just need this to happen, to mark the turning point of my life. 

Anyway, this two days Im starting to build my own website as another way to work towards my life goal. 

I know i'm way too ambitious to work for others forever. I want to be an entrepreneur, but at the same time, I love being an artist; creating various art pieces, i know i'm not super expert in anything but i know i can be good at a bit of these and that, and i really enjoy doing them! (it will be super wonderful for me if peoples like them too!) I want to be special. I want to be successful. I want to be able to influence others life. i want to be able to proud of myself for my achievement. 

So, let's start a bit by a bit. You can't run if you never learn how to crawl. 

Hopefully I'll get some great news and start my first step abroad... and i will try to work my way there.. to my final destination. ;) 

Good luck. I just need so many lucks.