Just feel extremely sorry today for something I did. For being a bad friend, for being unable to happy for others fortune. 

I mean, I hate myself like this. I really am. 
 
I'm certainly not in my best state and i have to say in pretty miserable for whatever my life is now. I'm just not happy at all. 
 
I don't mean to be all sarcastic and really hope I am sincerely interested in someone else life now. But the fact is, I'm not. Or more like, I can't. 
 
At some point I feel like I'm just trying too hard to be all perfect and well and kind and like the good old me when I just feel like hide myself under my blanket and cry. 
 
Trying to be fine and normal and happy is just... exhausting sometime. 
 
All the lies and lies and lies i did... I not even sure why i'm so disapprove and dissapointing with myself now. 
 
I feel nervous when someone asking me how is my job, what i am doing now, why you are doing nothing, why you quit your job or what happened to your face.
 
i just so fear of all those questions. Im terrified. 
 
I'm fucking tired. That's all. 
 
I just really am sorry but... I don't think i can even trying to fix the situation sincerely. 
 
Just... let me be like this. I need some time. 
 
Sorry, sorry. 
 
 
 

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